Friday, September 20, 2013

Moving On

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 The blogfest for September is "Moving On." Please click on the link below the photo here, to see what the other participating bloggers chose to write about this month!
This couldn't be more on topic for me. My father's birthday is the 25th of this month.
 
 


Spring
February 12, 2013. This was a day, a perfect day, for moving on.  Oh no, not me, not yet anyway. My father. But then again, it was a moving on for me as well.

“My bags are packed, I’m ready to go.
 I’m standing here outside your door.
Already I’m so lonesome I could cry.”

Summer
I stood in his room, alone with his body, tears running, my hands constantly moving over his arms, his neck, his cheeks, his hands. He hadn’t needed any bags to go on this last journey, but I certainly would. I stood with him for forty-five minutes. That’s how long it took the funeral home to get the gurney into the hospice unit at the VA. They came to take away the last part of him I would ever see or touch, his body. In the end he wasn’t afraid because the stroke took him so fast he had no time to ponder. I’m glad. He wasn’t a man to let fear take him without a fight, and at the end, he didn’t have to fight.

Fall
But now my journey has begun. I’m moving on to a life without my father in it. I thought I would be ready when the time came, but what a laugh, on me, that turned out to be. Seven months later I’m still crying. I dreamed of him last night and woke up unable to breathe because the grief was so powerful, heavy and pressing. I feel my baggage is my words. It is the file I made in which to keep my writing of him, dreams, thoughts, memories, photos. I keep one on my computer and in the “cloud” so I am always able to click open the suitcase and paw through to find what I need in any given moment. Or I open that suitcase to add a new page, a new thought or dream. These I will carry with me as my bags, my baggage, a part of his legacy to me as I move on. I know, well, I’ve been told that time will help give more laughter and smiles to the grief, but I guess I’ve not moved on that far yet. So I will write, dream, cry, mourn, love, and remember, as I move down the new road before me, traveling a bit lighter in one area and a bit heavier in another.
Winter
Balance. I’m looking for balance.


 









Images from:
1000awesomethings.com


20 comments:

  1. Lisa, what else could you have written for this prompt indeed! What a touching way to present your father to us. I love the seasons of his life photos. Very creative and moving. I have lost my father and he's always with me. The grief lessens, but you will always carry him in your memories, your heart. You will find balance, but take your time. It's different for all of us.

    Thank you for posting this gem for the WEP blogfest. I'm loving reading the entries so far. I'm posting on the cbox as I find posts going up.

    Denise

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    1. Thanks Denise, your prompt seemed to be very timely for me indeed. It was therapeutic to write and I also know I am not alone in losing a parent and so thought to share. Thanks for coming by!

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    2. Lisa, I'm glad the opportunity to write about your father was therapeutic for you. Beautifully shared. The responses show that you have touched our hearts. Thank you!

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  2. This is a lovely tribute to your father who you obviously still miss dreadfully. There is no time limit to 'moving on' and I love your idea of keeping a suitcase on your computer and in the cloud for access at all times.

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    1. Thanks Sally, it is a journey of heart for sure! Glad you enjoyed it.

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  3. This is beautiful, thank you for sharing!

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    1. Thanks for coming by Fida!

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  4. Wow! Thank you for sharing something so deeply personal with us! It sounds like you're handling it well- mourning takes a LONG time and you have to be patient with yourself as you move on (often at a snail's pace, it seems) towards integration. But giving yourself freedom to dream, write, remember, feel and think about him is exactly what you need to do. And the most beautiful things in life tend to come from the most heart-wrenching pain.
    Thanks so much for this, really.

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  5. Beautifully done, and a lovely tribute! I'm sorry for your loss, but I'm sure your father is always with you. Visits in dreams are so very, very important!

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  6. A very lovely and touching tribute to your father. And a perfect example of moving on.

    Well done.

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  7. Hi, Lisa,
    It's clear how much your father meant to you and a poignant reminder o the relationship I had with my mother.

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  8. Wonderfully done. Letting go is never easy, whether sudden or long expected. Peace.

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  9. Hi Lisa
    Inspirational. Your love for your father is deep and penetrates the hardest reader. I am so happy that you had such a wonderful father to love and treasure and that now you can view him those caring eyes. I also loved your photos. Your father's generation was one of the greatest of all.

    My story is up.
    Nancy

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  10. Sad, and so creative a tribute to your father. Beautiful imagery in the words, as well as the choice of photos.

    I am sorry for your loss, but glad you have such wonderful memories. He was a wonderful man, and father.

    ......dhole

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  11. Losing someone we love so dearly is always painful and moving on could be so difficult. Writing it here and sharing it with us, I hope, can help you heal as you continue to treasure your dad's memory.

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    1. Thanks Anne, writing does indeed help and I'm grateful to be able to use this medium to wade my way through...

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  12. This was a heartwrenching but oh so beautiful post. Your dad looks like he was an amazing man - and in the summer of his life he was a bit spunky too. :)

    Thanks for sharing this tribute to your dad with us.

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    1. Spunk was his other middle name! He was a hard-headed man who took on life with both hands. Thanks for your comments and for visiting.

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  13. A beautiful tribute to a special person!
    Thank you for sharing this very intimate part of yourself. You are so brave!
    I love the seasonal life phases with accompanying photos.
    Peace be with you as you move forward, and try to find a semblance of normality and restore a sense of balance...

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  14. Beautiful tribute to your dad. And what a good looking man he was too. I love that you celebrate his life with your words.

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