Friday, May 17, 2013

Hurts So Good



Soon comes a time of remembrance as we will hold my father's memorial on the 25th of this month. I feel like I had a “breather” in April, a time to be in my home with my husband and just let life move around me while I wrote and didn’t think so much about missing my father. I didn’t go to North Carolina for the first month in almost twenty-four. I didn’t realize how un-grounded I was in my own home because of that. I love being in NC, so it wasn’t a hardship for me and I didn’t realize this un-grounded-ness until I didn’t go.
 
This past month I found writing to be fun, a release, a pleasure to look forward to every day. I wrote on my blog and on my work in progress every day. I had a project I needed to finish before the end of May and I made excellent progress on it. I felt stable. I felt entrenched. It was a healthy, wonderful feeling that left me energetic during the day and tired at night. The kind of tired you have when you know you’ve accomplished something good that day. I felt “home.” We also had family come and stay a bit and it only seemed right for them to be here in our home at that particular time. A confirmation.


Now I, we, will once again travel to NC to share memories and the pain of loss with my family and be with others as they say their farewells to my father.  Life is constant change, always in flux and in keeping with that we have a young French girl/woman staying with us which entails me finding a new rhythm, a new stability, which so far (it's only been a week!) has been hard to do. But today I was eager to be at the computer; eager to be back in contact with my "true love." Today I came close to finding a balance, which reinforced the certainty that soon I will once again let my imagination and fingers have free range within whatever new rhythm I discover. One of my favorite sayings is “Life is what happens when you’re busy planning something else.” Perfect example!

8 comments:

  1. Hi Lisa .. I've been thinking of you - so this is good to read. You've had so much going on around and the loss of your father is a very hard thing to bear ... his Memorial will be lovely and will reassure you that you treasure his memories, and treasured his life ... I know I felt peaceful knowing I'd done as much as I could, even after that final day of life.

    My thoughts - and I love the quote .. so true - all the very best as you move towards North Carolina again ... Hilary

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    1. Thanks Hilary, you too, have been on my mind so I finally hopped over and caught up on your blog. I took a breather last week, but started catching up with those I'm missing, like you! I appreciate your thoughts and words. I'm looking forward to the trip and think (hope) it will bring a small bit of closure.

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  2. Greetings Lisa,

    Such poignant articulation. With this posting from the heart, I sense gentle moments of reflection, of the joy you find in writing and that good kind of tired you've been experiencing.

    And on the 25th a family get together for the memorial of your beloved father. May you find ongoing comfort.

    Your understanding of a life balance, trying to get it right, as best you can, resonates from the ambience of your warm, hopeful posting, dear lady.

    In peace and goodwill,

    Gart

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    1. Thanks Gary. Writing surely helps in times such as these...

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  3. writing should be a paid therapist!!

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  4. oh, and thanks for stopping by my blog. newest follower!!

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    1. Thanks so much Tammy. I love your blog and am glad to have found you!

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