Research in the Writer's Life

I have spent the last few weeks researching for my WIP. I love research but have felt guilty about not getting a significant number of words on file. About not posting to my blog in quite some time. I do feel putting forth words toward my WIP is the most important, but I don’t want to not post to my blog either. Having a blog keeps me focused on using my imagination or acknowledging subjects that are important to me or that I feel might be important to someone out there reading my blog.

Speaking of interesting subjects, I’m researching Unitarian Universalist ministry, the theology schools; how long it takes to become ordained, the degrees, the investment and what it might mean to one of my characters, Jack, to take on this important work. Research can be so meaningful, fulfilling. I learn something new every day and love that. Figuring out how to integrate it into the work is another story, but one just as challenging as finding the nuggets of interest that will add to the story, to Jack’s character, the depth of who he is.

For instance, I hadn’t realized that our President went to a Unitarian church for a short while in his youth in Hawaii. That some of the press tried to use this fact against him and even went so far as to label basically anyone “too” liberal as communist, as if they really knew what that was. Because if they really knew, there is no way they’d call a liberal and a communist the same thing. But be that here or there, I was surprised to hear of the connection in our president’s life to my own. I was raised in a Unitarian church and as best as I can recollect, I enjoyed the experience. I enjoyed my church family.

I have recently read an article from the UUworld.org website that touched on Pres. Obama’s time in the UU church and how he eventually chose the church and faith he could live and believe in. 

Here is the article link if you care to read it:

 http://www.uuworld.org/ideas/articles/220156.shtml#

This article speaks to me and my character Jack, as it forms the basis for his reasoning in becoming a UU minister. He wants to have a positive impact on youth, on their lives and their faith. Jack wants to help create family for those who don’t have it, within their hearts or without because that is something he himself needs as well. Of course he doesn’t realize this at first.

This research is allowing me to see into Jack’s soul, his mind, and the life lesson he will gain in this story. Jack and I are beginning a ride that might turn out to be quite wild. I hope it will also be a long and fruitful one.

Images from the UUworld.org website

Love Of My Life

Participating in the “First Loves” blog got me to thinking about what came after the first? Now it’s true what I wrote about my first love, but this does not mean I haven’t gone on to find someone even more important. Because I did, have done, and even though it took me awhile to figure out what “true love” really means, I did eventually get there!

My “Love of my Life” has come to me on slow but steady wings. I did not always pay him the due he was owed, but then neither did he with me. We took things too seriously. We had issues to work on like anyone else. A long time ago I saw a movie that I think was called “Baggage.” All through this movie a woman is carrying a suitcase that gets progressively heavier as her life plays out. I don’t remember how it ends (I was 8 or 10 maybe at the time?) but I remember the message. Everyone has baggage that they carry with them and bring to any relationship they have.

It’s what we do with that baggage that defines us. You watch any movie, read any book, listen to any broadcast and you find baggage behind that emission.  Whether it’s fiction or non-fiction there is always back story and it influences the conclusion of that emission.

My husband and I’s back stories/baggage/history got us in a lot of trouble to begin with. But we stuck out our “marriage” together. I think in reality that we each saw something in the other that we wanted more than we wanted our individual baggage. I don’t know what the future holds for us but what I do know is that we honestly made mistakes and worked through them to find ourselves better people, and so have a future to look forward to. We had A LOT of help doing this. By no means did we do it in a bubble.

What I have come away with is the truth of my love for this man. I am cradled in his love for me and feel blessed for it. But what truly astonishes me and makes me smile is that I have learned how to love with no expectations and a lot less ego. I love unconditionally, not in the Hollywood sense but in the real, down-to-earth, life-is-real sense. He is the love of my life and I am both grateful and excited that I found this out while I/we still have time to enjoy it, and boy do we!

Hate

Getting personal with this post so beware! 

Okay, so this is what happens when your beloved daughter smokes and can’t find the courage within herself to stop. Even when her body is talking to her, telling her that smoking, not eating right, and perhaps even drinking too much at times might really be bad for her. Might end up costing her more than she’s aware of at this stage of her young 21 year-old life.

Yes, I know, others have done worse. At least she isn’t a drug addict or selling her body on the street. I know she would only do either of those if left no choice, like the majority of kids out there doing those things.

But this is my daughter I’m talking about. So, here I have a problem within myself. I have some choices to make. Yes, this is about MY choices right now. My first reaction is to get in her face and make her miserable until she gets it, and I mean REALLY gets it, that her body is giving her signals she isn’t listening to. My second is that I’m her mother, she’s 21 and can make her own decisions and that I should stay out of it. This last option I hate.

Now my thoughts on these options are the same: she’s my daughter. I love her and want her safe no matter what. She thinks she isn’t strong enough to quit smoking. I know she is. But what good does it do for me to know it if she doesn’t feel it or invest in her own strength. Part of me wants to go up to where she lives, steal her away for a month and take her somewhere where no one can find us and make her understand what she’s doing to herself. My husband, her father wants to take her home with us when we leave where we are for Easter. Yeah, right. Like doing either of those things would go over well. The other part of me says to back off, leave her alone to find out these things for herself. With that option I find myself thinking only of the medical bills she very possibly might have in her future, not to mention the impact on her young life (obviously there are other issues here I won't go into).

We are a busy body family. We tend to care maybe on the side of error, if that is possible. Yes, I know she needs to learn from her own experiences, but, as I said before, this one has the potential to be life altering if not life taking. I can’t just sit by and let it happen without doing the best that I can to help her see what she’s doing. If that makes me a bad mother, an over protective mother so be it. If it makes her turn me away, well I’ll risk that too, if it helps her to understand the cost to herself of not listening to her own body. I would risk that because I love her that much and I’m not only afraid, but see my daughter not happy. I don’t want to cripple her by being over protective. I want to believe she will come around before she does permanent damage. I want to have faith in the strength I know she has. So for now I have to accept where she/we is/are. She’s 21. She’ll do what she wants. But that doesn’t mean I have to like it or sit back and let her go down without a fight.

Photo:

momlogic.com